Do you find you are sensitive to what people say to you? Like everything is a criticism of you and how you run your life? Is everyone out to get you or are you just a little too sensitive? Here I share my experiences to help you learn how to stop taking things to heart.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me…
I’m sure you’re familiar with the saying, perhaps you were told this many times throughout school like I was for being bullied. But once we get older, there’s no need to call people names right? Hmmm…maybe it’s best you avoid twitter! Even though adults have left the playground a long time ago, for some it appears they have remained there.
Recently I spoke with my mum about this topic, and asked for advice on how to stop taking things to heart. She spoke of a time when she cried to her mother after a boy at school called her bandy legged.
Her mother had sat her down:
“He is entitled to his own opinion, as are you. But I’ll bet you can out-run him with those strong legs of yours”
This had helped my mum focus on what her legs were capable of rather than the opinions of a boy in the next street.
Learn How To Stop Taking Things To Heart
No-one’s perfect. Sometimes we can make another person upset with our actions and words, without intending to.
Sometimes we are called out for it, other times the person we offended has taken things we have said personally, and cannot let go of our words we had inflicted on them.
There’s many scenerios where we can take things to heart, even small encounters with strangers can leave a mark – making us question ourselves for years to come…
Taking Things To Heart Affects Us All
I recently wrote a novel. It took me many years of putting it down and revisiting it. Through those years I gained various experiences along the way, painful and happy. But all the time in between just allowed more ideas and more time for my experiences to educate me and inspire me to write.
So when I finally finished it, I couldn’t believe it! I went through the book over and over, getting assistance and advice from others – but all in all, I came to the decision I could do no more to the book, so I released it into the world.
I had approached readers who I thought might like the book, asking for an honest review. The whole experience was nerve racking! As much as I like to pretend I am confident, putting a novel out there that I made up from my own imagination and waiting for people to critique it was definitely out of my comfort zone.
Taking It To Heart
Then reviews came through, some people contacting me directly to say how much they enjoyed it. But all that didn’t seem to matter, as my second review on Amazon was awful! They did not like the book, and had very little positive things to say. I read the review, read it again, and again – feeling like I had been attacked personally.
But I had to take a step back.
I can’t please everyone, and in a way what that reviewer said could help deter other readers who might not enjoy that genre of book either. Which is a good thing.
It occurred to me that as painful and uncomfortable as it was to hear that years of work was just not good enough, I can’t expect everyone to know what I went through or to even care – they just wanted to read a good book and unfortunately mine wasn’t it.
But that’s OK now. Seeing a bad review pretty much straight away showed me that if I want to make it in writing, then I must stop taking things so personally.
Steps To Learn How To Stop Taking Things To Heart
Feel it. Let yourself feel what you feel – if you are upset, find a safe place to allow you to just be.
Reflect on their reasons. Acknowledge the scenario, try to see things from the person’s perspective. If you can detach from your emotions and look at the situation as a third party it will help.
Be kind. Show yourself compassion – talk to yourself as if you would a friend. Be kind, “You’re doing the best you can, you can’t please everyone, they may be going through some personal things. You’ve got this”
Let it go. The above steps are important to spend time on – take your time to address how you’re feeling. Only then you can let it go.
What About You?
Have you experienced this in your life? If so, do you have you any tips on How To Stop Taking Things To Heart?
If you enjoyed this, have a look at my previous posts such as How To Face Your Fear & Put Yourself Out There.
Till next time, dear reader.
CG
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