Feeling Lonely? How To Help You Get Through It: We can often think that everyone around us are living their best life, surrounded by family and friends whenever they need them. But the truth is everyone feels lonely at some stage.
I look at ways you can improve your mental health and acknowledge your feelings rather than run away from them.
Everyone feels lonely, just in different ways. We may be triggered by a whole host of reasons, but the feelings are there – and there’s no use in avoiding them.
I’ve felt lonely
Feeling Lonely? How To Help You Get Through It
I had my son in lock-down, in the most lock-down city in the world – Melbourne. That was fine, I believed myself and my husband could get through it without family. It would be fine!
We made some new friends, but even then we couldn’t meet them and that was hard. On top of the hormones of being a new mum at home by myself everyday with my baby, a family bereavement haunted me, and was weighing on my shoulders constantly. Then one day I couldn’t stop crying – the sense of loneliness consumed me and left me feeling helpless and it scared me.
I did something I didn’t think I would – I reached out to people and told them.
This act did not come easy, the easy thing would have been to stay quiet and remain in the lonely state of mind, not telling anyone, because being lonely sounds so sad…I mean who wants to know if I’m lonely? Or so I thought.
But something in me told me to talk, and once I shared I had support come through. The few weeks that followed, I felt happier that people knew and relieved I had some support.
Is this modern age making us lonely?
Feeling Lonely? How To Help You Get Through It
Do we find it hard to connect with others because we hide behind screens, and the connection that we do find is more ‘likes’ from people online. Surely this detached way can’t be serving us – reaching out to people in the hopes that they ‘like’ what we say, only for them to then scroll to the next photo on their feed. It’s not a healthy way to connect. We are gradually having less and less human contact with others.
Another way to cover up our feelings can be masked with consumerism. We want to feel good, and end up buying things:
“If I bought that new phone I’d feel better about myself..”
But we can’t be too hard on ourselves to think this way, marketing is targeted to people’s insecurities in order to sell to us.
“If you buy this perfume you’ll be attractive…If you wear this lipstick you’ll be the best version of yourself…”
And so on.
We cover up the want for connection by replacing it with things. But when we strip back all the stuff we have, it’s only then that we are faced with the gaps left behind.
Loneliness versus Solitude
Both these definitions revolve around being on your own, however they are very different:
Loneliness is marked by a sense of isolation. Whereas solitude is a state of being alone without being lonely.
According to recent studies more than 90% of mums feel lonely after having children in the UK, and 1 in 5 Americans feel loneliness.
Everyone can feel loneliness at different stages of their life and may need different solutions – for example maybe they are older and would benefit from having a pet. The steps I have suggested below are for mums in particular. If you feel a connection to them anyhow and not a mother, then please use them.
You are not alone.
Feeling Lonely? How To Help You Get Through It
Listen and understand.
- Acknowledge if there’s something underneath the loneliness. Is there a recurring thought or problem that is making you upset? Monitor what you’re feeling, when you’re feeling it, only then can you start to unravel if there is something underlying.
Be kind to yourself.
- Be compassionate. Watch what your internal voice says – keep this in check if you hear a negative critical voice.
Be productive.
- Give yourself small tasks to do. Get your mind on your day – make the bed, go for walk with the baby, play etc.
Mindfulness.
- Spending a little time in the morning or the evening writing down what you are grateful for, however small.
Nurture yourself.
- You act as a nurturer to your child, you need to show yourself mothering too. What would you like to do for you? Something that does not make you think of your loneliness? Something to make you smile – going for an ice cream, a walk in the woods, watch your favourite comedy? Or a cup of tea and space to journal?
Connect.
- Reach out to a friend, family member and if you’re comfortable to do so – share how you’re feeling. You may be surprised to find you’re not alone in feeling this way – loneliness affects a-lot of us.
What About You?
Have you experienced this in your life? If so, do you have you any tips on How To Get Through Loneliness?
If you enjoyed this, have a look at my previous posts such as Learn How To Stop Taking Things To Heart
Till next time, dear reader.
CG
Pin for later – Feeling Lonely? How To Help You Get Through It
Leave a Reply