Are you reluctant to move forward without asking for permission or advice from others? Are you hesitant in decision making and waiting for approval? You may find you’re waiting a long time. You’re stuck. In this post, I look at – how to become more self-assured and stop waiting to be accepted.
Waiting To Be Accepted
I wrote my first book and approached many agents and publishers with it. This is known as “Traditionally Published” – the book has an agent’s support and is submitted through to a publishing company. I wrote to the agents I had researched, but then gradually over the months that followed, I received the oh so many rejection letters.
However…this is perfectly normal to expect rejections. I told myself that JK Rowling was rejected by hundreds of publishers. “Don’t worry, this happened to JK Rowling – so just keep trying“
Now, I would love to say that I kept trying…but I didn’t – I gave up!
Not the blog post you thought? Yes I’m advocating that everyone should just give up!
Ask yourself some questions:
Still reading? Great! – No I’m not saying to give up. But I stopped and re-evaluated things. I asked myself a simple question:
Why do you really want to be traditionally published?
Sounds like an easy question, but the answers it brought up shocked me:
“I want to show everyone that I can be traditionally published”, “I want someone to pick me”, “I want a team of people believing in me and my work”
Then I thought – this is nothing to do with any of my potential readers, this is all about my insecurities and waiting to be accepted.
Follow what is calling to you:
I looked into self publishing (also known as becoming an ‘Indie Author’) and realised this made much more sense for me. I didn’t need to wait on anyone to select me, I could bi-pass that whole industry and just go direct to my readers. And I am so glad I have – through this process I have learned so many different aspects – making a podcast, designing book covers, editing, and marketing to name just a few things. It has enhanced my skillset, and given me more confidence in my abilities.
Don’t get me wrong, being traditionally published would be nice, but I’m not going to hang around waiting to be selected – nope, I want to keep moving not remaining stuck waiting.
Why Are You Waiting To Be Accepted?
Like high school – we want to belong to a group. The idea of being on your own without any support is scary, so as human-beings we gravitate towards groups. But then when we’re out in the big bad world, making decisions everyday, we start to have to brave things on our own. A very normal thing to happen, whether with friends, work colleagues, family – we look for approval/acceptance/validation. But it’s good to get feedback and direction from others? Yes and No, in small quantities otherwise running everything past others can affect you mentally, emotionally and physically. Yes it’s nice to find your ‘tribe’, but are you being ‘you’? Or are you hesitant to delve into what that really means?
Becoming More Self-Assured
There is only one you in the world. You are truly unique. This is not an easy thing to give tips on to “find yourself”, but it’s really that – you need to find yourself. But where to start?
The easy thing is to look outside yourself, many people ‘find themselves’ through travelling – striping away all the labels that we hide behind – makeup, clothing, job title to name a few. But not everyone is privileged enough to go hiking in the Himalayas! So below are my thoughts, without the big spiritual epiphanies, just simple steps to help you gain confidence in your own abilities of being you.
Tips To Become More Self-Assured & Stop Waiting To Be Accepted
Find a hobby/sport/interest – maybe it’s a movie club, a book club, flower arranging, wine tasting, a language – whatever you are intrigued to do.
Find quiet solitude – Do you have some minutes in the morning before the kids wake? Or before you go to bed? Then sit by yourself without distractions, just to be on your own – that means no podcasts, no social media, no chatting.
Do something for someone. This can be big or small. Perhaps you have a friend who has just had a baby, so baking lactation cookies as a gift might be a nice idea? Or you want to help a local charity by donating clothing or maybe an hour a week to help in their shop. Helping others can lift us too.
With time, you can be more self-assured, and look to yourself for direction, rather than waiting for other people’s acceptance. You can do this!
What About You?
Have you experienced this in your life? If so, do you have you any tips on How To Become More Self-Assured & Stop Waiting To Be Accepted?
If you enjoyed this, have a look at my previous posts such as How To Face Your Fear & Put Yourself Out There.
Till next time, dear reader.
CG
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Become More Self-Assured & Stop Waiting To Be Accepted
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