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5 Stages Of Grief & Why You Shouldn’t Focus On Them

by ClaireGillies Leave a Comment

It’s inevitable that you will loose something in this world – a dear pet, a loved family member, a close friend. When these moments arise, there are so many emotions to deal with that it can feel overwhelming knowing where even to begin. 5 Stages Of Grief & Why You Shouldn’t Focus On Them.

Pexels images. Jessica Ticoz

I lost a loved one a couple of years ago – the pain was so intense, even thinking about them and the loss, made me erupt into tears. I would be in the supermarket, talking to someone and all of a sudden the smallest detail would spark off a memory and I’d realise all over again that this person was gone.

It’s taken time. And only recently I had finally come to terms with what had happened.

Tatiana Syrik. Pexels

What encouraged me to accept it – had started in the midst of covid. After having a new baby, it made me feel so alone and the realisation hit me that I had not allowed myself to really grieve for the person.

I thought I had gave a sufficient amount of time to grieve and was concerned that there was something wrong with me that I was still so affected by it. Those emotions bubbled to the surface during the depths of isolation, I had no choice but to allow them to come.

After dealing with the complexities of grief, I am now experiencing grief once again…

A person dear to me, a person who read every blog post I wrote…this week they won’t be reading it.

Grief has come back. Pushing me back to square one, and I’m stuck..

Five stages of grief

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance 

Why You Shouldn’t Focus On 5 Stages Of Grief

We like to know ‘how to’s’ and quick fixes. This can even filter down to grieving.

How should I be grieving? I googled this and watched videos, as insane as it is to question how to feel, I needed some reassurance.

The 5 stages of grief are good to refer to, but it is unlikely you will feel each emotion then finish grieving. Trust me, I would be happy to reach the end of this process, but I have felt one emotion, then believe I am on to the next…to then go straight back to that emotion. There is no schedule, no time that each emotion should last. It doesn’t work that way. Emotions cannot be explained as simple actionable bullet points.

Trust in yourself and do not be afraid to go to those painful dark places. It will be the beginning of the grief process.

Grieving – 5 Stages Of Grief & Why You Shouldn’t Focus On Them

My thoughts on looking after yourself through this time

Self Care

Nurture yourself, be kind and take time to be gentle with your body and emotions. If you want space to be on your own, do it. Take a bath, have a glass of wine, watch a silly movie! Whatever it is, you need to take care of that inner child, you need comfort and self love at this difficult time.

Let emotions flow

Allow yourself to feel all the feelings. You have every right to grieve, so ugly cry, shout, look at photos of your loved ones.

There is a pressure in today’s world to do everything quickly – even grieve quickly!

“Are you still grieving?”

Ignore this.

Know that it’s OK to be in your feelings…

Another Note

To anyone going through tough times, as heavy and painful as it is, you must allow yourself to feel it. It may be dark at that moment, but light will come. Winter is almost over, and spring will soon be here. Just as the seasons change, so do our own lives.

The sun is rising to start a new day. And what a beautiful day it is going to be…

Sending you peaceful, loving strength…

x

Filed Under: Self Care, Uncategorized Tagged With: 5 stages of grief, grief stages, grieving process

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Welcome! I’m Claire Gillies, author of emotional, funny, feel-good stories about women finding themselves — set against the sweeping beauty of Scotland. If you love books with heart, humour, and Highlands, you’re in the right place.

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